I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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