hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
