He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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