i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
