hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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