yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
