I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
