I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
