Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
