looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
