these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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