It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
