me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
