he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
This is my gift to your gina
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
