also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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