i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
