I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
