i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
After last night, I could never be a politician.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
