Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
