YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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