We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
