somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
