just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Randomize
