i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
