I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
