your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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