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I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Ambien. No doubt about it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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