You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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