no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
