He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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