Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
