im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
