Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If I die, sorry about rent.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
