this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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