just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
