Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
