Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
