mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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