No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
