So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
