speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
