Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
