no, he came in my armpit
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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