Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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