She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
