trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
