You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
my liver is dry heaving
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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