I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
