wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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