dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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