New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
